ISSA - International Slalom Skateboarding Association

I would like to announce my coup d'etat of the ISSA. Once I have the sacred conch shell in my hands I will formerly dissolve the ISSA in favor of JISSA (Joe I's Slalom Skateboard ASSociation).

Here is some of what will be included in my mission statement;

A Yeah, we've got rules (see below) if you need them, but we are more about bringing new people, especially young people to the sport.

B We will organize insurance at a reduced price for all that need it.

C We will encourage innovation and outside of the box thinking and discourage sanctioned races in deserted office parks and military bases. There is no point in hiding our light under a bushell.

Rules

#1 The Tucker Cone. If you hit the first cone, you get a shaving cream pie in the dick (or muff)

#2 We encourage smack talk on the ramps (and down the course), especially if you have no shot at winning. If you are already winning, or racing someone slower than you? That's just bad karma.

#3 T Shirts from races? Banned! I've got plenty. How about a fez once in a while? Or a holster for Keith Hollien. I bet he would appreciate that. What about a limited edition invisible dog leash or some spin art?

#4 Skateboard swag for new kids only. Swag from our "new" sponsors for everyone else. Beer, first aid supplies, fried chicken and waffles. Lets get some real sponsors people. And somebody's uncle works at Rolex, Swach, Timex. We need a timing sponsor.

#5 The following people will get between .001 and 1.00 reductions in time:

a. The French Canandian's - I just love em
b. Hot chicks - IMO any woman that skates is hot
c. Anyone in the band.
d. First timers, espcially ones who crash, like Reilly in Antrim.
e. The furthest traveled. Seriously, what do I have to do to get Donald and the Fat Bastards of Gothenberg to come to the Farm?

#6 The following people get between .001 and 1.00 added to their time:

a. Anyone who talks to me about bushing choices for more than 2 minutes at the party.
b. Anyone who I have to call more than once for the ramp because they are changing their bushings.
c. People, who hit 6 cones, pull out of the course, and then go back to hit another 6.
d. Speaking of cones, could you pick up one once in a while? Someday we'll hire the Suicide Girls to pick up our cones, but until we do, pick up a cone, help move a ramp, flip a burger, something!

#7 Helmet, kneepads, and elbow pads minnimum. I suggest slide gloves too. No pads, no time, in fact you are going to get tackled by me and Mig and then you'll really wish you had pads on.

#8 There will be a magic number decided on by Joe's BOD. That number equals how many races you can attend with out giving something back. Organize a race or clinic. Get some sponsors. Bring cute friends with low self esteem to races. But do nothing, get nothing, just like life. Cool!

#9 Party. Does it really take that much effort to buy a 30 pack and the jumbo box of Pop-Tarts. To print maps with an X on your mom's back yard or your uncle Ernie's rumpus room? Races are for racing, no doubt, but it's also my chance to see my friends, and meet all the guys Floitgraf invited to drink my beer.

#10 Real simple. Don't be a dick. Don't be mean. Be competative, be intense if you have to be. Don't steal anything. Don't get arrested. Don't spray paint anything that doesn't belong to you. Don't leave your trash on some old ladies lawn. Dicks don't get invited back.



JISSA also welcomes your suggestions.

I gave up on slalom but I never gave up loving you Joe.

You know I'm there to enforce the aforementioned rule set.

~TG

This is great.

You now have exactly 12 hours to get your own website.

11 hours 59 minutes . . . 58 minutes . . . . . 57 . . . .

Only if you come with me Wesley, my most worthy nemesis.

When you say "don't spray paint anything that isn't yours" does that include other people and children?

You'll need to take that up with the ombudsman.

Joe,
You never cease to amaze me.
I love you.

I approve of this message

Iacovelli Uber Alles!

Joe:

You know I am on board - let's make it happen!!!

This will bring the FUN back to slalom and get rid of the "red tape"

In regards to spray painting people - only if you use day glow and neon paints - the higher the solvent level the better.

Is nudity permitted?

Will you continue to offer the "princess room" for accomodations?

Is gin considered a sports drink?

Let the sign up begin!!!!!

Rob

#11 Kids and Women get the spotlight along with the "pro's". Why should kids and babes have to skate at 7 AM? Is that how we encourage new people to join? Better for them and pleasing for the crowd to put them at high noon.

I really like that last one - #11

You're right - if you make beginners feel special, they'll keep with it.

You jokers encouraged me when I started and I was dreadful.

Of course the pros are a great draw and spectators love watching guys going real fast.

But crowds dig chicks and kids too.

And kids that are stoked to be cheered for will be kids that soldier on through the ranks - despite of the stupid regulations and red tape and asterisks and all the other detriments we seem to be bandying aboot.

We all started skating because it was fun. It's getting lost along the way to bullshit.

THIS is what slalom needs!!!

Ron Barbagallo wrote: We all started skating because it was fun. It's getting lost along the way to bullshit.

Too true!!

Oh, and how aboot a sticker or a patch for #10?

"Joe says I'm not a dick!"

You gotta earn one and there's gotta be a meeting aboot that kinda shit.

I'd rather earn and wear one of those than a t-shirt

#3 - in honor of Raab, how aboot souvenier oven mitts?

SEE?!? I could use an oven mitt. Things are starting to come together.

We have to decide where to hold our World Championships.

Ron Barbagallo wrote:Oh, and how aboot a sticker or a patch for #10?

"Joe says I'm not a dick!"

You gotta earn one and there's gotta be a meeting aboot that kinda shit.

I'd rather earn and wear one of those than a t-shirt

How does Joe earn his?

Hmmmmmm?

Joe Iacovelli wrote:SEE?!? I could use an oven mitt. Things are starting to come together.

We have to decide where to hold our World Championships.

First you'll have to decide which world?

Wesley,

It's Joe I's Slalom Skateboard Association

Rule # 12 - No girly stance

Joe Iacovelli wrote:We have to decide where to hold our World Championships.

Suggestions?

Chuck E Cheese
Amsterdam
Mall of America
EuroDisney
Pateluma Ca. - home of the Zamboni
Niagra Falls....................slowly I turned.....
Piccadilly Circus
St Andrews - finally I won't be the only one in a kilt!
Kazakhstan
Cleveland............because it rocks!
Vancouver - it's like Hippie Canada
Tokyo - so we can get a REAL picture of Mig trouncing buildings!
Hong Kong - for once I'll be tall
Vegas Baby
Maui - hey, shoot the moon right?
Newark - you got the stones?

See?!?

JISSA - We're just more fun!

#13 Sign up and pay up at the same time. A member of the BOD of ISSA didn't write, didn't call, didn't hit reply to anyone of 3 emails we sent asking, "if you are not coming, please reply with a simple no" and the city of Antrim paid for his housing, food, etc. He was one of 15 racers that did that last year. This year sign up will be less friendly. Shame on me for expecting adults to act like it and taking people at their word.

Tyler Hager wrote:When you say "don't spray paint anything that isn't yours" does that include other people and children?

You beat me to it Ty...figures, as one who has been painted before.

Joe Iacovelli wrote:SEE?!? I could use an oven mitt. Things are starting to come together.

We have to decide where to hold our World Championships.

The FARM Worlds....easy.

Joe Iacovelli wrote:You'll need to take that up with the ombudsman.

Karl? Weez?

#14 Brian Weasel Werner is our Ombudsman. Please don't tell him the position has nothing to do with weed.

Rick Floyd wrote:

Joe Iacovelli wrote:SEE?!? I could use an oven mitt. Things are starting to come together.

We have to decide where to hold our World Championships.

The FARM Worlds....easy.

Sorry, the Farm is already a sanctioned Main Event by both the ISSA and TWAYSSA.

Besides it is too tame for what I have in mind. Remember last year when Tway's lovely wife Alyssa shut down the "Das Boot" chant?

Joe Iacovelli wrote:See?!?

JISSA - We're just more fun!

#13 Sign up and pay up at the same time. A member of the BOD of ISSA didn't write, didn't call, didn't hit reply to anyone of 3 emails we sent asking, "if you are not coming, please reply with a simple no" and the city of Antrim paid for his housing, food, etc. He was one of 15 racers that did that last year. This year sign up will be less friendly. Shame on me for expecting adults to act like it and taking people at their word.

That was fucked up! Those nice townspeople paid for all those campsites that only like 8 guys used - granted we had fun and the fight between Karl and Weasel WAS epic and introduced us to Apesuit Mike - but still, they went to a lot of trouble to set up those tents. And what aboot the cabins? They paid for those too right? And again they sent beer and food over for us - who does that?

Look, I'm a douchebag and the first one to admit it, but those Antrim folks are A#1. They treat us like royalty. The minister lady ( I suck at names!) is even cool to us. She and the rest of the town take us at face value and see past the leather jackets and the ski hats and the tattoos and are thrilled to see us! Hell - they put us in the damn PARADE!

Granted, we didn't break anything or deface anyone's stuff, but making them pay for stuff they don't need to is a slap in the face.

Fat Bastards want`s cake and beer.

WooHoo, we have gone international!

Fat Bastards get in free to the JISSA World Championships. On the off chance one of you lot make a JISSA race, entry fee is on me.

Joe

Where do I sign to join JISSA?

Right next to my tattoo.

Joe Iacovelli wrote:Right next to my tattoo.

Been there, done that... Haaaa! Haaa! Haa!

will there be decoder rings?

#15 There will be decoder rings.

I love lamp

Joe, do I actually have to skate if I come to your race?

This is now one of the funnier (except for the Antrim dis) internet forum threads I have seen recently - and I have needed to laugh REALLY badly of late...thanks Joe!

Gone international? So now it's the IJISSA - right? Are you taking LOGO submissions??!!

If I move to Quebec can I get that .1 to 1 sec. off my time deal?

-RF

Rick Floyd wrote:

Tyler Hager wrote:When you say "don't spray paint anything that isn't yours" does that include other people and children?

You beat me to it Ty...figures, as one who has been painted before.

Dude, that shit took two days to scrub off me.

IJISSA? Now you're being silly

Yes on the logo submission, but we don't want anyone's permission for the picture. That's how we roll.

#16 Rick "Pink" Floyd is assessed a time penalty everytime he tells me about what a jock he was in high school.

Gary Saenz wrote:Joe, do I actually have to skate if I come to your race?

#17 You can't be in the JISSA unless someone, somewhere, has seen you skateboard at least once.

Joe Iacovelli wrote:IJISSA? Now you're being silly

Yes on the logo submission, but we don't want anyone's permission for the picture. That's how we roll.

#16 Rick "Pink" Floyd is assessed a time penalty everytime he tells me about what a jock he was in high school.

I think I can get you some de-inellectual property, no problem.

No,no,no - you got it all wrong. I'm a jock NOW...I was a burnout skateboarder in high school.

By "time penalty" - you mean I have to spend even LONGER listening to you tell me what a great show Binghamton '78 wuz?!?!

-RF

Joe Iacovelli wrote:

Gary Saenz wrote:Joe, do I actually have to skate if I come to your race?

#17 You can't be in the JISSA unless someone, somewhere, has seen you skateboard at least once.

I think JISSA has too many rules...........I will now start RISSA.

66's International Slolam Skateboard Association

1. Kicktails are mandatory

2. No "chest protectors"

3. If people keep knocking down cones they are obviously too close together - SPREAD THEM OUT!

4. Wesley Tucker is required to drive a hybrid.

5. Joe I is not allowed to pee into any form of wind.

6. Vlad has to come back.

7. Clifton requires sausage, if not sausage, bacon.

8. Pavel STILL sucks!

Floyd, Robo, 6,

TOUCHE.

Joe

Rick Stanziale wrote:66's International Slolam Skateboard Association


8. Pavel STILL sucks!

and 66 is still irrelevant.

Civ - wrong attitude for JISSA - you are now banned!!!

When do we get our logo and t-shirts??

Do we get cool membership cards as well - maybe the card can get us discounts at strip joints across the country!!!

Boys - we have spent way too much time in discussion - let's just get it done!!

JISSA - the new world order in slalom

R

Rob,

You just asked for a t-shirt. You are now banned (at least until you pay your gin fine).

66 and Civ,

Jabs will only be tolerated if cartoonish, repetative, and irrelevant. Like the constant "Your trucks/mom suck" kinda thing.

What if Pavel's your mother?

Wesley Tucker wrote:What if Pavel's your mother?

No. It's not, It's just not. Stop.

Wesley Tucker has hoisted me on my own petard once again.

It's important to point out that WT has never no showed at one of my races.

Wesley Tucker wrote:What if Pavel's your mother?

What if Pavel's YOUR mother?!?!?!?!?