ISSA - International Slalom Skateboarding Association

Go nuts.....

damn drummer - can't even put a joke in a drummer joke thread....LOL!

how many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

none, they have machines to do that now.

schmooches!
steve

A drummer and a bass player are lost in the desert. They wander for days when all of a sudden, they see green palms waving in the distance. With renewed vigor they crawl with their last bit of strength towards the oasis.

As they approach, they smell something in the air. . . pork chops? No . . . it's BACON! They see ahead think crispy strips of lean smoked bacon hanging from one of the trees. The drummer is so overcome with hunger and thirst that he breaks into a run toward the wonderful sight.

Suddenly from out of nowhere, bullets cracks the air and the ZIP! ZING! of richochets surround the drummer. He jumps and lands behind the cover of the nearest sand dune.

"What is it?," screams the bass player.

"It's not a bacon tree!" the drummer yells back
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"IT'S A . . . HAM-BUSH!"

(This joke is brought to you by the local chapter in your area of the A.S.F.T.L.O.c.A.A.T.P.T.E.O.G.G.E. - The American Society For The Love Of Country And All Thing Percussion That Exists On God's Green Earth. Make a donation today in the name of someone you love. Or, if a drummer lives next door, perhaps you could insist they write you a check?)

The world's first slalom joke. Or is it a Shaggy ____ Story.

So these two slalomers, A Veteran Slalomer and a younger Gen-Xer, are getting ready to race. Both of them have practiced a lot since their last race which was decided by 1/1000th of a second. Both got new high tech set ups. This time things are quite different. It seems that Lloyds of London has decided to place odds on the racers and take bets through the internet. Henry Hester is sitting there next to Bob Skoldberg sizing up the two racers. Both brought several decks to sell on the spot to Ed Economy to finance their day of frenzied betting. So the qualifications go off and again the racers place within 1/1000th of a second of each other after their times are tallied. It could be anyone's race. As the day goes on money is traded back and forth. It seems for a time that one of the two racers, a Gen-Xer, is doing better- most people are attributing it to his Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, drawn on for an added boost of speed. The other racer- a more seasoned veteran, methodically plots his racing strategy and moves steadily forward. It's finals time and the bets are placed. Hester has managed to amass a pile of cash, nearly winning every bet in every round- but he is pooling cash with Skoldberg and it seems that those two and Ed Economy have managed to amass nearly all of the money.

Ed Economy has been backing the veteran racer almost all day and when it comes time to place the bets suddenly Hester and Skoldberg switch to the Veteran and plop down a hunk of the cash. Ed Economy sensing a fake out hestitates for a moment and then decides to back the Gen-Xer.. Ed waits to switch his bet at the last moment..but the automated starter starts and all bets are locked in.

beep,beep,beep,beeeep! and they are off. At first the veteran racer gets a good start and slows down for a technical section, the Gen-Xer powers through this section and then sets up for the offsets. The Veteran racer now is pulling alongside the Gen-Xer…is he just pacing him…or really pouring it on? The home stretch is looming and the Veteran pours on the speed approaching the last few offsets at great speed passing the Gen-Xer. The Gen-Xer summons up some insane burst of speed from nowhere. Then seemingly disaster strikes for the veteran as he begins to hit cones. The Gen-Xer is now going even faster and hits the last section- goes for the 3 last huge offsets- and slides out completely- skids across the finish line on his belly. The Veteran wins.

Later that night at the bar Hester and Skoldberg are buying rounds for everyone- that's Ed Economy's gig. So Hester and Skoldberg sit Ed Down and Order Ed up an Entire bottle of top shelf Tequellia for him. Ed says "So slalom's Dynamic duo beat me out- what made you switch?" Hester replied "Well, it looked like it could have been anyone's race- the way the times were trading back and forth all day". Skoldberg piped in "Yeah, Ed we weren't sure until the very end…but sure enough we had our hunches". Ed replied" Well I was the starter all day and I was watching the Gen-Xer- he didn't seem to fade at all. I figured with his youth and all and crazy speed he wouldn't get tired- besides he so hyperactive and quick- the guy can't even sit still." Hester sat back folded his arms behind his head and said " Well Ed, Skoldberg and I were watching your guy all day, we could see he was losing his focus and as verteran races ourselves we know focus is everything." The Gen-Xer, hearing his name mentioned, starts to listen in from the side. Skoldberg piped in-"Well I was talking to Henry and I just knew for sure he was going to blow out on those last few cones- he wouldn't have the traction to go in at that speed'. Ed replied "Well I spoke to the guy at the start and he had a good strategy- he was going to do the exact same thing the veteran did". Skoldberg said "Yeah, but near the finals- you could see that this Gen-Xer guy was all over the place. There was no way he could keep a racing strategy in his head. The Gen-Xer comes over and says, "C,mon you guys, you all are correct in some counts. But really what happened could have been avoided. I just forgot to hit those last few cones…" "You don't mean…said Ed Economy…that you could have avoided this completely…did you forget to take your .....medication? "Yep" said the Gen-Xer…"I screwed up at the end cuz I forgot to take my Critalin"


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: John Gilmour on 2003-08-13 18:56 ]</font>

Even I feel the pain from that one.

Drummers have discovered the perfect contraceptive: their personalities.

what has three legs and an asshole?




a drumstool

why do drummers leave sticks on the dashboard of their cars?





so they can park in handicapped spaces.






Thanks! I'll be here all week! Try the veal!

Why does God afflict us with percussionists?
To make Bassists look good!

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Why aren't there any drummers on STAR TREK?
BECAUSE IT'S THE FUTURE!

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I love all those old war movies: rows and rows of armed men just ready to unload a tremendous fusillade* of bullets and cannons . . . and all the drummers out front!

The British, though, really have it figured out. They put the drummers AND the bagpipers at the head of the line. Gotta love those Limey strategists.


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Thank you, thank you. CD's and T-shirts in the Lobby and please don't forget to tell your friends about the show.

* For the drummers in the crowd, a "fusillade" is a lot of guns being shot at that same time. And please, don't hit on the waitress, she's not interested.

What do you call a hot girl on the arm of a drummer?


















a tattoo

Yeah, but I'll bet her name is misspelled.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

homeless

What do you call someone that hangs around musicians.

A drummer

How can you tell a percussionist got new drums?

Yours are missing.

What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?















A large pizza can feed a family of 4.

Q: What's a perfect pitch?
A. Hitting the drums in the dumspter with an accordian

A drummer goes to see his doctor. The doctor tells the drummer he has six months to live. The drummer says, "on what?"

Q: How does a drummer get better gas mileage?
A: He takes that silly "DOMINO'S" sign off his car.

A drummer heard a Thermos would keep hot things hot and cold things cold.
So he put in two popsicles and a cup of coffee.

Why is it drummers never earn any respect?

Drummers? Earn? You gotta be kidding!

A: Why do drummers ALWAYS get their girlfriends pregnant?

Q: Because they insist on using the rhythm method.

All the drummers in a small Midwestern town saved their money so they could go to a national percussion competition. Finally, they had enough so they could charter a bus and make the trip. On their way though the Rocky Mountains, the bus's brakes gave out and plunged over the mountainside killing everyone.

The whole town was inconsolable with agony over the tragedy . . . one of the drummers missed the bus!

How do tell if the stage is level? (The drummer drools out of both corners of his mouth) And I am one. So there.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a savings bond?

A: Eventually the bond will mature and make money.

Q: What do you call a drummer with a pager?

A: An optimist.

Q: How many drummer jokes are there?

A: Five. The rest are all true.

Did you hear about the singer who was so bad even the drummer noticed?

http://news.aol.com/article/parachutist ... band/89291

A parachutist got blown off course and hit several band members.

The bad news is HE MISSED ALL THE DRUMMERS!